I haven't posted on my blog about love and relationships, and that is because it is really challenging for me to publicly discuss things like this, I usually only confide in my closest friends. However, I know a lot of people are going through the same thing, or about to. I figure, if it can help anyone else, its worth it. I decided to write about long distance relationships because I know a lot of people are either about to go away to school and start long distance, or they've been doing it over the summer. In some cases, people are starting new beginnings in new cities and that's the case for my brother and his girlfriend right now, so I thought this post would be very timely.
There are a two core principles within a relationship that make distance work out well. If the relationship is lacking in these, it will inevitably end poorly while you are apart. These things might seem very well developed when you are together, and you may not realize the need to work on them until you are apart. That was the case for me, I didn't realize how much easier trust and communication are when you are together everyday compared to once a month. These two principles require effort and for good reason.
Trust
Firstly, trust, and I don't mean trusting the loyalty of your partner (that is obvious). Trust is something that needs to be strong between you and yourself, you and God, and you and your partner. In this circumstance, it is committing yourself to building your relationship with yourself, God, and your partner when it isn't convenient to do so. When the only time you have to talk to your boyfriend is a 30 min FaceTime call before bed, or the only time you have to pray is on your lunch break at work. When you have that time, set your phone and distractions aside and devote time to building that relationship on a foundation of trust.
Distance gives you time to build your trust within yourself. If your guarded about things in any type of relationship whether it be a friendship or a boyfriend or a colleague, you can use prayerful reflection about your needs and concerns in trusting others and God. What I mean by this is, you should reflect and pray for strength in the areas you're not so strong in. I don't know about you, but when I am at school and Chris and I are together all the time, I don't spend very much time reflecting on myself, rather, I reflect on us or what's going on in my life. Since we've been apart, I've begun praying for the strength to trust and be more vulnerable with my family and my relationship. I trust that God will protect my relationship, but I pray that God will protect me and my emotions too.
When you are apart from someone you love, it's never ideal, but the fact that you are apart and still working on making your relationship grow is a testament to your love itself. Taking this step shows you trust one another to stay focused on your relationship even when you don't get to physically see the other person. Promising to trust and be loyal to the time set aside for one another is the first step, and it can be really easy if you learn how to trust in God's presence in your relationships. My most predominant love language is touch, so being away from people I love makes it very challenging for me when I just want a hug after a long day or a hand to hold when I am stressed out. Without this love language in distance, you have to find other ways to show your love, and that brings me to the most important thing of all when it comes to distance, communication!
Communication
When I first started thinking about long distance relationships, I thought about my relationship with God. In many ways, God and I have had a long distance relationship for many years. I don't get to see God in a human form, but I have communicated with him everyday. The more I reflected, the more I realized, the only reason my relationship with God is so strong is because of our communication. When we set aside the time, each day or each week, we can tell God what our worries, our successes, and our concerns are help us grow our faith relationship. Building your relationship with God by taking the time for talking to God, catching up with God, praising God, really does prepare you for a long distance relationship in your life. God teaches us so many lessons through our communication with him and this is one of them.
When you are contacting each other through your phone, all sorts of things happen. You'll lose connection on FaceTime, you won't be able to hear each other because the service is bad, or you'll be somewhere where you don't have service at all. When you're both counting on that short period of time you've set aside for one another, the most important thing to do is not to get stressed or irritated. This is where communication and trust collide. You have to think of it this way, if they only see or talk to you for 30 min out of the day, pretend that those 30 min are all that they know of you. If you're getting frustrated at them or at your phone the whole time, they leave feeling like your encounter was a negative one and unenjoyable. They're reminded of that when you're apart, not all the joy that is shared when you see each other in person.
Additionally, if something comes up and your partner has to cancel your phone call because of work or a chance for them to make new friends, you can't get angry. If you get upset about them cancelling or postponing your phone call, they will feel held back or held down from experiencing things because you aren't there. If you trust that your partner needs that time for work or new opportunities, it is not worth getting upset over. If it becomes a habit, tell them that the time you set aside for each other means a lot to you, and that you really need that one on one time. The pair of you can find another time that fits both of your schedules better.
Finally, I've realized that being apart from one another forces you to articulate your feelings more clearly. When you're together all the time you don't talk as much about your daily emotions or concerns because you're apart of their day. We skip asking them about their day when we are together everyday because we assume we already know. When you have to tell them all about your day you have the chance to express your feelings and the chance to truly listen to theirs. Taking this focus on communication onward in your relationship when you're always together will make your dialogue more useful, and eventually equate to a healthier, more open, sharing between you and your partner
I hope this helps anyone who is about to be in a long distance relationship, or if you're in one right now. God is there to carry the things you don't feel you can. Never get too discouraged, many people have done it, it just takes dedication.
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